Finding The Time That Wasn’t In 2019
Tomorrow is 2020! I know we are all excited for that.
However, that is merely the icing on the cake each year. Fact of the matter is that 2019 has come to a conclusion. I still have many unfinished things to take care of (and clearly what I did this year in 2019 was not successful–need to revisit things again and find solutions because I can not do it alone, and other people I can count on to help me if I need it are over their work load), but without any major things–I am finally done this year.
And interestingly, even though I still think this year was the worst year for me, my world came to a screeching halt a couple of weeks ago. And that is fine by me. Although I mentioned in my last post that my attitude has changed because I chose to change it. I changed my mindset from: “I don’t need or want to do it,” to: “I need to and can do it.”
I have already completed what I told myself I would do this year while those not completed yet will be done by the end of this month.
And it was two years ago when Dr. Kuss gave me a perspective to consider if I was having a bad time, day, week, month, or year:
We can not wait for it to begin; once it starts, we can not wait for it to be over; when it is over, we can not wait for it to begin again.
While Kuss was correct about the above statement, there is a window of time that exists after the conclusion of each year that is reserved for de-compression. This is not to be confused with the annual de-briefing and planning for next year’s process. This is pure de-compression from 100% immersion in something that simply stops.
The weekly routine rug you have become accustomed to gets ripped out from under you, and you suddenly find yourself with no structure to your day. In many ways, one goes through what I will call “A” (a process of feeling something at the the end of something). And while one is going through “A” for about one day, it them leads to “B” (finding the quiet and lack of focus unsettling).
I really don’t know what I would call the end result (“C”), however here is a list of things that are going to get done by the next month or so (some might roll over to later on):
- Secure full-time work
- LTP agreement for City of Waterbury
- Figure out course listing portal issue for NB YMCA
- Finish paying off summer debt
- Graduate School acceptance (applied to Harvard, Yale, Columbia)
- Design podcast website
- Revise my consulting website
- Set up Red Cross courses for this spring and summer
- Fix my car brakes
That is the priority list. Oh sure, there are music gigs and rehearsals here and there and all that good stuff that I sincerely love to do.
And I had many successes this year – everything from the successful increase in clients I have for my consulting firm, teaching experiences in school districts to where I learned likes and dislikes, and the fact that I graduated college with undergraduate degrees.
And regardless of certain situations that my friends know about to where I am not going to include them here (because Big Brother finds out everything if you disclose it), I met and worked with countless people that I have to thank for including me in their daily “space” and that I can call them lifelong friends. The laundry list can go on for quite some time but you know who you are!!
… AKA: Michelle, Heather, Jeanette, Kelly, Peter …
And even they know that I successfully survived the curve balls that were thrown to me. So, I guess 2019 could have been worse (LOL).
Although, what has been interesting this year was my inability to actually find the time for me. What a novel concept!
I kept telling myself to keep my head out of my ass. It can be quite challenging, and at times almost impossible to achieve. Fortunately though, I have been diligent about “raising my helicopter” and recognizing when my cranium is approaching my rectum. Rather it has to happen this year. I need to really stop, take a breath, grab my outside gear, and go either with my girlfriend or friends, to local and state park trails.
It requires motivation and a conscious effort to do this of course, as well as a good chunk of time. This is a good thing though–an hour with people and no technology seems to be just enough to for me to get healthier.
However, yes- I would go bike riding and swimming, rather there is something about the trails in the woods. Maybe it is my inner boy scout coming out. I remember going on countless hikes and outings with my father and my friends.
There is a sense of peace out there. Your inner voice–you know the one that is SCREAMING AT YOU ALL THE BLOODY TIME–quiets down once you get out of the meadows and are enveloped by the first 20 yards or so of trees. You start to notice things:
- The sound of your feet on the leaves
- The sound of tree branches in the wind
- The sound of birds and insects
- The sound of the water in the nearby creek
- The sound …
You start to notice the sound of a world where all there is … is time.
I recall Dr. Hlavac (my music professor) saying a few years ago in music theory class freshman year something to the effect of this:
Sometimes, one needs to be in silence.
As a 20-something-year-old college “I know everything there is to know about everything” student, I had no idea what he was talking about. I thought he was truly nuts, and I shrugged off the comment with typical cocky obnoxiousness. I get it now …
There is far too much noise in our lives – especially mine. For me, finding the time to be in silence and to listen to what is truly around you is something I and everyone should do as often as possible. And this is something I want to do in the new year – 2020.
Especially this is necessary for me since I had a rather surprising episode at work the week before Thanksgiving that had me out for a little over a week. Today, I had my echocardiogram, EKGs and stress tests. That should tell you everything you need to know about how important it is for me to find the time that I did not want to do (in 2019) this year.
I would offer to have you join me on my next venture but you also need to do it yourself … with or without people.
For now, however, there is the need for some calmness and re-centering of oneself.
So, let 2020 begin in less than 10 hours!